I am Dr. Wallflower

by carlocmd

The wallflower. That’s me. That person who hovers in the background, blends in the scenery, and disappears. Yes, that’s who I am.

I would rather be left to my own devices, daydreaming, wondering about the world and how it works. Give me a good book, then I turn around and shut the world out, content to slide into the story. Introvert? Yes. Most definitely.

My work as a doctor means I have to interact with people. Different personalities. Different viewpoints and opinions. At least 30 new souls a day. For an introvert, it is such taxing work.

So I have to admit that I am tired. And it may show in the way I interact with you. These days I find myself irritated at the most minor complaints. You say tummy ache, I think you just want a free pass from work. And the unending clinic work is draining my reserves. As a tank, I feel quite empty… drained.

In these moments, when events seem to overwhelm me, and the temptation to act out is strong, I usually count to ten, turn around, visit the chapel, and pray.

A Jesuit priest, in a book that I am halfway reading now, gave me a message of sorts. He said that God can be found in all things. It is sometimes hard to see his work in your life, but it is easier to see Him in retrospect, as you pray and reflect on how your day was.

And I remember my day. I remember how my son woke up this morning and walked towards me with eyes half-closed — to wrap me in a  warm embrace. In that embrace was Love. And in that love was Peace. And in that peace was Purpose. Or why I wake up, go to work, and struggle each day.

I detach myself from the wall, enter the clinic with a smile, ready for the next batch of people.